I'm freaking out!! I am freaking out! Today we had choir rehearsal
again and the whole time I had these crazy anxiety feeling and
butterflies in my stomach. It hasn't left.... I have this feeling that
I am going to be carrying this feeling for the next three weeks. I
have never been like this before! I wish that I didn't have to
anticipate the change so much. Maybe if I didn't know it was happening
it would be easier to deal with. Nope. It's not like that. Instead, I
go on these crazy emotional roller coasters. Good day. Bad day. Freak
out moment. Lots of crying. Super happy. Excited for the future and
then anxiety again. It's great.... Not so great. Just put me on the
plane now! I am not effective when I anticipate the changes!! Ugh. Oh
well....
It was a good week despite the moments of freaking out. I just can't
believe how fast time is moving. And then there are moments of
frustration in wondering if we have done any good in this area. Over
and over again I realize that we are nothing without the members. We
have some pretty wonderful members who are willing to help us a
lot.... But it is the same ten people. And when you are trying to get
a whole ward excited, it is disheartening when all your efforts seem
to go unnoticed and don't enact much change.
That being said, we aren't sure what miracle we are going to see here
at the end. I have been praying and praying and praying to see another
baptism and we are working so hard!! We are inviting everyone to be
baptized! But no one comes to church.... :( the only investigator that
came to church yesterday was one that a member has been working with.
This is the trend of my mission. We work super hard to find people on
our own, but the only investigators that seem to go anywhere are those
that the members have befriended and invited to hear more.
J is solid. We taught him again last night and he was acting like
he has already made the decision to be baptized. He has come to church
twice now. He has read through all of first Nephi and he is working on
2 Nephi. He accepts all of the doctrine and just says that he really
wants to have that confirmation from the spirit before he sets a date
for baptism. Last night, he and Sister Brennan were giving us a ride
home after our lesson. He said, "So, Sister Johnson, you leave in
May?" I told him, "Nope, my last day is April 22." We then said if he
wanted me to be at his baptism that he would have to be baptized on
April 19th! I think that would be a wonderful miracle-- but there are
some catches to the situation. He is getting MBA this week and will be
gone until April 15th..... So there is no time for us to help him be
prepared and he doesn't technically live in our ward boundaries
anyways.... Sigh... He is golden though and I am happy that The Lord
let me teach him, even if I don't get to see it all the way through.
We also had some amazing lessons at the beginning of this week. It is
crazy because I feel like I have come so far as a missionary. There is
still more to do but I see myself as the missionary I really wanted to
be when I first came out. And more importantly, the spirit has truly
been with us this week. We had an incredibly powerful lesson with a
man who has a lot of health complications and is pretty much confined
to his chair. He was telling us how god has preserved his life and
what a blessing that he continues to be here and is able to be humble
enough to recognize that god has more for him. The spirit was like
nothing I have felt in a long while..... So powerful. Heavenly Father
loves this man!
A couple days later, I was feeling down. Sister Gillespie and I
started talking and I started to think back on all the different
experiences Heavenly Father has given me on my mission. The. This
feeling- overpowering and overwhelming- washed through me for about
five minutes. Total and complete enveloping of God's love..... It made
me cry. I was so happy!
Sigh.... I am so emotional. I am driving myself crazy. I pretty much
cried through the entire women's conference too. Cool. It was really
an amazing meeting though. :) I am very excited for general
conference.
So about jobs! I totally had that same thought! Mel is leaving jimmy
johns. That sounds like my in. They can work me to death. I think I
will need it. I will have to keep myself very busy.... I have been
getting so antsy whenever we have to sit around or have pdays and
things like that.
Keep praying for us though.... I know that The Lord can make miracles
happen. Something incredible can happen before I leave! Even if it is
just knowing that The Lord is proud of me.... I am grateful for that.
I love you all. Thanks for your emails. I am excited to fly all over
the place for free! Makes it seem more likely that I can actually come
back and visit this marvelous place. You all need to come with me
though. :)
I love you! Have a great week!!!
Love,
Sister Alicia Johnson
Sent from my iPad
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