You know something, I have learned a TON this week. It was kind of miserable at the beginning, but then it got exponentially better. I attest, the weather MAY be a huge factor... It was the coldest it has ever been for a long time on Sunday and Monday, but then the sun came out!! I love the SUN!!!
I love you all very much. I have the best family. They have the best advice and support. You don't judge- you lend a listening ear (or reading eye) when I feel that all I can do is gripe and moan and cry. The long day is over for now. I am back :) This is what I learned:
Wednesday we had a Zone Meeting. Our Zone Leaders trained us on some very important things. One in particular focused on our personal struggles and recognizing that we are ALL struggling with something. And we need to love those around us and help them. It felt good to realize that I wasn't alone in my inward battles. I just have really wanted to find a solution. On Fast Sunday I prayed for help in understanding what was going on.
After Zone Meeting, it finally came to me. I was able to go on an exchange with another Sister for two days. The instant we were together, I started talking it all out and rooting out the issues. I have been struggling with my relationship with my companion. And because we are together for 24/7, you don't have a lot of room to vent. I have been feeling a lot of stress and pressure because my companion and I are VERY different. And most of how we are different is social. So when it comes to being around others, I am generally the one approaching people and carrying on the conversations and the lessons. I had let all of this frustration build up inside of me- so much so that at the last transfer I wanted SO badly to be moved to a new area. I wasn't so I sent myself spiraling into this low, horrible, unhappy place. I couldn't stand how different we were. And we had a hard time connecting on a personal level. It just wasn't clicking. This made me turn a bit icy and unresponsive in situations that should have been fine and manageable.
The Sister I was on exchange with has been having similar problems with communication with a brand new missionary who is very quiet as well. So as we were able to work together for a couple of days, I got my old spark and drive back for the work. I grew an attachment to everyone we visited and recognized how much good we were doing and had already done.
Exchanges don't last forever. But my emotions were much more in check and I could now finally see what was truly going on. So (blessed companionship inventory....) we talked about why I was struggling. We talked about how she was struggling and we accepted that we are different. And things improved.
I am learning something about life and missions. Life and missions are all about relationships with others. We are going to be around others who do not think the same as us. We must learn to communicate and work with others differences. Accept others for who they are. I think about my whole mission and EVERYTHING has been effected by my companion. My whole missionary experience has been about my companion. For real. Dealing with training and opening areas, anxiety, change, different levels of assertiveness, teaching styles, cultural differences, emotional needs, getting along just swimmingly, connecting on every level with only minor setbacks, differences in purpose and desire, social differences, and straight up different personalities. Good grief! It took me 14 months to figure that out!
I am happy. I woke up today and felt this beautiful feeling of peace rather than the despair of the first three weeks. I'm back!! :D
We have done a lot of great work this week. One lesson in particular was pretty amazing. We have now visited and "taught" a baptist preacher on three different occasions. The first two visits were mostly him teaching us while we added our two cents and listened and agreed with his knowledge of doctrine. The third instance he wanted to know what we had to say. We shared with him about the Restoration and the Book of Mormon. We read Moroni 10:3-5 and something clicked with him. He said that just the other day he had been praying to be led to truth. He looked at us and asked if we were angels. If God had sent us because of his prayer. He then invited us to go on a "God walk" with him. We walked around his circle outside his house while he vocally spoke to God and expressed his love and desire to follow Him. He asked for truth and understanding with what we had shared. When we finished our walk (which was incredibly powerful- I could feel the Spirit burning within me) he told us that he would read. We have another appointment this coming Saturdaywith him.
Miracles are occurring. Our vision becomes clouded during the low times, but if we continue to look forward and press forward with hope, the Lord clears away the darkness and lets the light in. I know that He is real. I know that He loves us.
I love you all so much. I hope that you all have a blessed week. :) Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for me. I have been blessed SO much in my life. I look forward to seeing you 100 days :) (yes the countdown is on! 100 days left- I can hardly believe it!)
I love you!!!
Love always,
Sister Alicia Johnson
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